I have to share the gem of an article I read today. And the opening question says it all. The author of this article Zoe Sharp in her article More Bang for Your Buck (http://www.murderati.com/blog/2012/9/5/more-bang-for-your-buck.html) it actually has a diagram (I can’t copy and paste it here so hit the link ok?!) that says what makes a question stupid. And I have to say that and I will list what I have been told from this diagram:
Hasn’t been covered yet
Irrelevant to the topic
too hypothetical (get all the time)
Doesn’t ask a question- get to the point (get all the time)
Attention getting -look at me (get all the time) .
So okay now I consider myself not a bad conversationalist with some thought and some time. And very little or task oriented television watching. I need a topic to discuss at an event so I will find a newspaper article, a television show that people all like to watch and discuss or a book that I have read. You know the ice breaker time frame of your meet and greet. I have become very much aware of people’s first and last impressions of me in a negative light. I have become very much aware that when people see me they judge me as the one who is not as she appears. I am very much aware that even a good showing is alikened to an appearance on a stage for some people. I very much dislike that. Because to me, yes when I go out I try to put the best foot forward; I try to appear intelligent in my conversation (if I am in the talking mood and if I am not), I try to appear not too disinterested or tired or just not wanting to be there-apathetic I guess is the word. I try to be there for the moment until I have to leave and can relax in my own home or the place that I happen to be staying at for the moment.
But it comes to light that my conversation or the conversation that I am listening to always or more than likely has a stupid question moment. What do you do? If you are with your friends, then they may or will tell you; your boss may or will tell you; your enemy will tell you and your acquaintance may or will tell you. Notice what I said to you. So how do we monitor or walk in that minefield- very carefully.
What I was told and I remind myself of is the following: if I can’t back it up with facts or a piece of paper then maybe I don’t want to tell you; if I am talking about someone else’s business and can’t back it up with facts or times and dates then maybe I don’t want to tell you; if I am discussing with you a current event and I can’t discuss with you the relevant information then maybe I don’t want to tell you. And this is the creed I started to live by. So when you hear me say to you that I apologize for misinformation or I apologize for using your name but that is who the person reminds me of- don’t get angry I mean exactly that. But if it calls for you to call up my house and talk with me in private about what I said then do that. We have a landline telephone. I prefer landlines over cell phones at home. When we only have a cell phone at home then you can use that.
One more thing- if for some reason I or anyone else says to you that what you are saying bothers us and we say to you that bothers us or your harassing us or your causing us distress- please don’t discount that and call it stupid. Listen to it and accept it and then figure out a way to say what you want to say without that distress coming in there. And if there is no way to say it, then you will get told that.
Hopefully, this isn’t a nasty toned article or a bad tempered article or just sour grapes to you. Hopefully you will gain something from it for yourselves as well.
And to those who wish to copy this article down and paste it: PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO! AND JUST LINK BACK TO THE BLOG!