Snow! Sleet! Rain! WTF!

 I kid you not every time I want to go out and stay out what happens?  It snows.  WTF?  Now it is snowing, raining and sleeting.  God hates me.  On the other side, I found out some information that I had been told inadvertently via grapevine to be true.  So I just have to do it. Except the problem is I don’t have any idea about the time frame.  But I do want to do it though.  The sooner for me the better.  Anyway, I have to get off of here soon.  I’ll be back later.  I might have a good story to tell then.  Ta ta!

 I signed on for the first time to a French chat room.  In this room they only want you to speak French so that you have a better understanding of it. They also want you to learn it better.  My French is mostly vocabulary and I speak some phrases but it has only been like years.  I very much want to go to France to visit.  Maybe live for a while.  There I will be immersed in the culture and have to speak French.  I figure this is a good way to learn it.  I tried it in college.  They had an extra class where they only spoke French.  But I had class either at that time or I didn’t go for another reason.  But I did find the class.  So this is my way to speak French and get better at it without going to French.  I am trying Spanish too.  Figure this out: I had A’s and B’s in French class but we did mostly vocabulary.  Our French teacher was good at that. We didn’t speak much.  I think it would have been better if we spoke it.  We did watch some television meaning movies but not a lot.  She mostly spoke it. So now I can learn it better. And hopefully by the time I actually get to France I will not make a complete ass out of myself.


I found a Spanish one too but I know absolutely zippo in Spanish except like family and mother and stuff.  No actual questions or conversations. 


 The problem as I see it is that I have a lot of time on my hands with not working.  So I actually called up for this job today.  It is a government job for clerical and administrative.  It is an 800 number that you call.  But you have to pay them $69.00 to have them send you out the paperwork. But that gives you your government level number.  I have to get a pre-paid credit card to do it though.  I wasn’t going to because I didn’t want to work for the federal government but it is a job.  And they help place you.  And your file is active as long as you work.  So I am going to try it.  But the weather is so bad.  I want to go out but I don’t want to go out in this weather.  No excuses though. 


I have to go towards the hospital.  I wanted to speak to anyone there about information I had heard. But I am not sure who to talk too.  If I knew that they were going to be there and their names I would have no problem.  There are people that work there but the ones I knew if they are there I no longer see them.  It is not as if you have an excuse but no one really knows me in the sense I have been out of the town for 8 years.  And now I have come back and it seems as if the thing to do would be to go elsewhere. But I am hoping to get this job thing.  Hopefully, my French will get better.  I want to visit France and speak like a native.  I have the ability to learn and I am going to take advantage of that. The guy I met on Second Life, he speaks French like a native.  I figure he is either French or learned it. You would never know it to look at what he said. I can’t speak nor write it that well.  I won’t even say that I can. My vocabulary is good. When I was working this guy wanted someone to translate something in French and in the beginning I had offered to do it but he ignored me.  So the second time he asked I just didn’t respond. 


I have to complete this in word because spaces is temporarily out of order.  I hate it when that happens.   


I think that the people in the website I was in were probably from all around New Jersey.  Estat Unis.   That is it- United States. I forgot. It will come back to me.  Slowly but surely. I am about to take a walk.  It is better to take it during the day but I haven’t yet. At where I went to college the French teacher tried to speak it to me and can I tell you No God Damn Clue.  She suggested that I go for a coaching class.  I got a “C” out of it. But I would take it again if I could speak it better.  Then I could get the “A” out of it I want to get. I found a major to help tutor me but I couldn’t use her a lot because I had started my major.  It was heavy for me.  Go figure.


Okay so I am going to see if I can chat with someone and will be back. It is like 7:30 in the evening and what do I want to do- go find someone and chat.  It isn’t a problem for me but for them it might be.  I hate the weather though when it is like this.  But I still want to go out.

Okay.  So I chat for a while.  But I lost the lady I was talking too.  She was funny.  She was happy.  I think they had a couple of fetish people in there.


I want to go to the hospital.  My head hurts but that isn’t why.  I have chest pain yesterday and earlier.  But that isn’t why either although I need to go.  I want to have them take a look at something.  I can’t afford it though.  


So if I go down the street or around the corner do you think that it is okay to go chat to people who might be really angry with you?  Because you don’t like their family (son/daughter)?  I want to chat.  But I can’t do it here.  I also want to go to someone I know and hang out and feel like I matter to someone.  Not that I don’t matter but to feel that way is nice.  Is that so wrong?  He matters to people.  She does too.  I wonder what he is doing now.  She same thing.   Do you think that he knows and she knows that they matter or do they think we all pay lip service? I say lip service but that is my take on their feelings.  


So okay I am thinking of going to hotel for drinks.  Or empanadas or potato skins.  You know what I could go for:  French fries, chicken nuggets or whiting, crab cake and hush puppies.  With sangria or wine or cider.  Course it would be enough to go to sleep.


I know this lady I grew up with and she has a son or a daughter.  I am not sure which.  But I feel the need to talk.  And I want to go outside. But my head has the shakes. I hate the shakes. 


I don’t want people to consider me a computer or a recorder or an inanimate object.  I want them to think of me as a feeling person.  I don’t know that they do that. 


You know what is interesting?  I wonder why they are thinking about that guy right now?  I think he is scared or upset with someone.  He wants them to not upset him or make him angry. 


I don’t know what he said because she said hello.  And then she told me to hang up the phone. I want to call him back but I didn’t. 


There is someone in my belly.  I don’t like them there; in my head too. I don’t like them there.  Why are they there and in my shoulder?  I thought it was over.  I don’t think so.  Why is that?


I have to go to the place.  I don’t know what they will do there though.  I am tired but don’t want to go to sleep. I want to go for a walk because I am still warm/hot in parts of me.  But my face is cool to touch.  Cool.


Someone got called the n-word today.  I don’t know why.  They didn’t call me up and talk to me.  I don’t know what happened.  I am not working.  I called up about a job with the federales.  But I don’t know that I will get it because I am not sure I want to work for the federal government but it is a job.  And I need money.  I need to save so I can move out and support myself and my family.  Is that a bad thing to want to do? 


The hotel looks nice on the outside but I don’t know what it looks like on the inside. The pictures might not do it justice.  I still haven’t found my picture to send out.  To all of those who requested a picture and read this blog, I didn’t forget.  It is coming.  I just have to find it is all.  Who would have thought I would misplace the photo album? I saw it like a couple of weeks ago or maybe a month ago?  The other pictures aren’t as good.  But they okay.  So just so’s you know, I am going to forward the pictures. 


I am going to catch a cab tonight I think.  And go out but I can’t walk because it is wet and slippery.  Might be better to walk though.  Why am I catching a cab you ask?  I need to do something or want to do something and need the cab to do it. 


Okay-enough for now. Chat ya lata.


January 29, 2009


Good Morning at ya in the beginning of the day.  Hope you have had your coffee  because you are going to need it today boy!  Whoo! 


So okay recap of last nights email:  I was chatting as usual.  This is what I do. I chat like you wouldn’t believe; keeps me from talking to myself when I don’t get out of the house. So anyway, this guy I met online emails me and says to me the following:


I thought I might get a cab last night.  Then I could go out and hook up with someone.  You know at their house or somewhere else.  Then as usual what happens?  My dumb behind goes to sleep. 


I am waiting for my coffee to brew. I am going to pick up a pre-paid credit card and try out this job.  I don’t know if it will work. I am going to ask around to see if anyone has done it.  I don’t know if they have.  I used to get jobs on my own or through referrals.  Nothing now. 


So you know what I am thinking- is that is a way in a proposal for someone but not necessarily a marriage proposal? It could be. But I am not sure I will find out.


I wondered what he said the other day.  But I was told to get off the phone.  Wait, I told you that.  Okay. Time for coffee. 


Until later.  I should have a goody to tell you then.


Okay while I am drinking my coffee:  I haven’t heard English like that except for the last couple of years. The people have been speaking I guess correctly.  She said, ‘It is I.’ It is different for me to hear that. I normally hear ‘It was me.’  Different group huh?


I don’t mean to cause no problems.  I hope this doesn’t do it but I think it does it all the time.


So anyways-I have to figure out how to do something in Word again.  I learned a new keystroke a month ago.  So this one is a new one. I am going to be playing with it today.


I am going to the library today to return a novel.  If I can’t do that then I will have both of them until they are due.  But the thing is I want to make sure they get returned.  I actually had to pay for a book and it was a heavy duty price cause I lost the book and didn’t return it.  Do you know how much money is to a high school student with no job? $5.00 is a lot of money. 


Just so you know- I got no clue where the sense of humor came from. Mine is normally sick kind.  You know twisted. But this ain’t bad. I hopes I keeps it. See what happens as your character develops.  But since I am still moody it didn’t develop all that much huh?


I wouldn’t mind getting married but I would like to remember getting married.  I told him that yesterday.  So then what I suggest is a nice destination wedding or you get married where you move too and then that is where you live.  A fresh start and a fresh family squabble.  You know what that is- where to put the bedroom?


So I have to go to Pathmark today and get some personables.  I have to also ask a question about medication.  You know the problem with medication is that I believe I know what he might say but I still have to deal with what he says. In other words, I have medication which is affecting my body and how it works and I have to either change it, lesson the dosage or take myself completely off of it.  I want to take myself off of it but I decided not to because of what happened the last time.  I had the really bad chest pain right around the dentist appointment.  So it wasn’t fun. And believe you me, I still think it is hard to die from a dentist appointment. So I have to ask my questions.


For those in the know:  I like to read.  I have added a new title to my list of reading:  Coffee Will Make You Black by April Sinclair.  Most people I know have read this novel.  It is sis’s I believe.  Not sure though.  So I am almost finished Grown Folks Business.  It should be back at the library by Saturday hopefully.  I used to stay up late at night till all hours of the night reading.  Then I realized the older I get the less I can hang if I am in the habit of sleeping; which is what I am in now. Some days I stay awake and other days I fall right to sleep. It depends. 


I am ready to go out now.  I am wanting to ask questions still.  I don’t know where they were yesterday.  I thought downtown or at someone’s house.  It could have been either/or. 


I have to leave the house and go out today.  I also should go talk other than on the chat room in on the internet chat room. 


Here is a couple of poems I like for the: 




Poetry Corner.


Café 3 A.M.


deleted by author of blog 11/14/2010  no page number for referral.  But found in Langston Hughes book listed on front of web page. 


Dead In There

  deleted by author of blog.  can be found in Langston Hughes book listed on front of web page.  11/14/2010nth 


So my temping is not working right now.  It sucks.  You know why?  I can’t get a job under the temp agency.  I think I am highly jinxed to the max!   It sucks ass.  Excuse the pun!


So I hope you are continuing your blog reading.  I found some new blogs as I told you. I am on the hunt for new ones all the time.  If you see any please let me know.


I am going to end this and start a new blog entry.  As you see I have lots to talk about. 


See you next entry.

originally posted in January 2010


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