First and foremost-I am watching a televison show called Blood and Chocolate. It is about werewolves and their love lives.
November 17, 2008
I am drinking my morning coffee and was annoyed this morning. Mostly because I feel myself sliding backwards and not forwards. In other words, I hear people mention my name and I get upset. But then I hear them mentioning things similar to me but they say a different name and it makes me mad. It would make D angry because they use that name. They used to use Y too. I think they are talking about them maybe. I ask off and on but they don’t tell me much. And I am not trying to make anyone angry. (The reason I am telling you this was because this morning I was awake and couldn’t sleep.
For those in the know I usually talk myself to sleep which is what I did this morning. Or what I tried to do this morning. And due to certain circumstances you can’t actually talk to yourself because people take exception to that fact. And they then try to annoy you or make you see that you annoy them. But what gets my goat is they are talking about me and then saying I am someone else. It makes me mad. But then I finally figured something out- an ephiphany if you will; an AHA! moment: if you listen to what they say then they may not be talking about you. I admit I don’t hear what they say (all of it. But I do hear my name mentioned and don’t know why all the time). And they could be talking about me or anyone. So this morning that is what happened.) But if I say I am not say R or J or D or L then they take exception to that. I am not saying anything other than you have the wrong name for me and I would like you to use my name. I don’t like the N-word and don’t want to be associated with it either. I don’t like the S-word either and don’t want to be associated with it. But it seems that where I live, this is how they treat you and expect you to understand how it goes. I finally have a chance to find out everything without being told likes or untruths that would confuse me (Not that I would be told lies but I don’t think I am told the whole truth) and it leaves me in the position to apologize if I offended anyone. But it seems I offend everyone and that is not my intention. Besides who would you want to call you a N-word or a S-word? No one would want to be called that. And they now think they can call me that interchangeably maybe. I hope they wouldn’t because I wouldn’t do that to them. I am almost I think getting past ground zero. And I don’t want to not have the family (meaning my family) in my corner or around me and my children (if/when I have them) and my spouse (if/when I have one).
Okay so now I am back to the normal conversation. I am hoping to get my errands done today. They are simple errands and I won’t bore you with them. I can’t tell if you guys like the blog or not. You don’t leave comments. By the way it appears you may to have either a Hotmail address or a Messenger address. I don’t know why but it appears that way. On another blog you have to have Google. But it is there rules and I would like to hear from you. If you want to leave comments that is.
I am hoping to meet someone today to discuss some things. Again, I won’t bore you with what that is. But I believe the person might be going away on business so I am trying to talk to them now.
I have been good lately at keeping quiet
and not making talking a lot out loud to myself. I am going to have to try harder. I want to call D but I normally call him with nothing to say much except ask questions. Sometimes I do have something to ask. But I also have things to say. So today I wanted him to come see the blog and discuss it with him. I also wanted to discuss an article that I had read in the sports section. I have to find the article. Sorry to say I didn’t follow his conversation yesterday about football but hopefully after watching First Take and reading the sports section I should be able to understand and then converse.
Here you have it- I meaning Me do not want to be on the internet and let you see me in my daily life at all. The only time i would like to be seen on the internet is if I am on a telecast meeting or camera chatting with someone. You ask why I am telling you this? You’ll notice that I have posted this before. Because people ask me sometimes if I want to be on camera. I don’t mind taking pictures for modeling or something but I don’t want to be on camera for the internet. And if for some reason people think that I do, it isn’t the truth. (Part of it is I think that people ask me that and they think that I am saying affirmative and I am not. ) I watched a television show where this girl lives her whole life out on the internet. I don’t know that I could do that.
For those in the know and those who don’t know there is a new talent out there that you may like to listen too. Her name is Nilija Ford. I have heard some of her work and I think it is very nice. You may like it too. Here is her link: http://nilajafeversblog.blogspot.com/
or you can look at this one too ( I believe this if for her record: http://www.nilajafever.com/
. I have heard one of her singles when she was on BET and I thought it was nice. If you like new r&b then you might like her. I am not a music guru but from time to time I will let you know of a good cd if I hear one. And I don’t hear them that often so enjoy.
Another person I think you might like for music is http://blueerrosoul.blogspot.com/
. That is Eric Robersons music label and company. He has a couple of cd’s out and you mght like them too.
For those in the know: I often try not to put my foot in my mouth and I try not too. I think my problem is that I don’t hear everything and I get upset. But what I get upset about mostly people would get upset at as well. And that is when you constantly hear your name but don’t know what for and why. So again, I try not to put my foot in my mouth and tell people off who try to help me. But I think there are good ways to help someone and bad ways to help someone. I am a recipient of both. So what do you think is a good way to deal with it? I try to contact the person if I know them. If not I listen around. And if that fails then I try to ignore it to deal with when I find out who it is. Somehow the approach doesn’t work very well.
For those in the know: I am again looking for temp work. As I stated earlier, my first temp job didn’t go well. I am hoping that the second one I get will tell the tale and I will do well in it enough to continue getting more assignments. I have seen some good ones on the company’s website. I am going to put in for those. I don’t know if that is how you do it but I am going to try as well.
I am still dealing with previous baggage from earlier on in my life. It is not something I am proud of but we all have something to deal with from our past. I am in the process of wading through it. Some of it has to do with professional problems in my jobs and some of it has to do with relationships and the rest of it has to do with making sure that I do a better job of what I do. (I am not sure that makes any sense).
you later alligator.
See next post.