Waiting Pays Off


 I finally got a temporary position.  It seems that it may be an okay deal.  It is only for two weeks though. But I will have money for my birthday. I won’t be able to go away like I wanted to though.  Maybe a day trip.  We are going to rent a car so that I can drive myself.  The other car got totalled.  D is getting a ride to work. After the check comes in for the car, we will get a new car.  I think it will be for me but they will use it.  I don’t know.  I think he wants his own car again.   Anyway I am going to be a receptionist.  It shouldn’t be too difficult. Just like being a secretary only more busy work than what I had. 
 
So I don’t know what to do tonight.  I want to go out of the house and visit people except I don’t know that many people.  Plus some people don’t want to be bothered.  I understand that.  I also think that I want to get something to drink but again no money.  It is hard with no money.   I also want to go to a day center which is a a place for the homeless to go to when they are not working during the day and not looking for a place to stay or work.  I have found several.  I wanted to go with them to see what they were like.  It will get me out of the house.  I have a couple of numbers I would like to call as well for assistance.  This way I will have money coming in and also I wil have assistance. 
 
I was thinking about turning in some work and seeing what happens.  I think it will be okay for me to do. 
 
I asked about the release. She says I don’t have to get one. And she says you can’t get an injunction to prevent people from entering your email or using it.  I don’t think that is what I meant.  I was being paranoid about people breaking in so yeah i guess that is what i meant.  i don’t see why they can’t do that though.  my paranoia.  
 
so anyway i had a semi bitch session yesterday.   i didn’t like it though. actually what started it was i wanted to tell a funny story about a place that i worked at to start a story and/or an article.  but it didn’t work out.  i ened up letting out some feelings i had about things that i heard.  you can’t say anything about it.  people take offense and get angry.  i had this feeling that i wanted to not be where i was.  and i would kill people with quietness and kindness.  i wouldn’t actually literally kill them because i don’t want to go to prison because i didn’t like somoene.   i hope most people feel that way.  but yeah i would kill him.  i don’t think he would blame people becaue i believe he this person is the same way. he will not let you know he doesn’t like you but will murder you the whole time.  i think that is a good assessment of his character.  so if you meet anyone like that beware and stay the hell away from them.  it might be the best decision of your life.  and then again, maybe not the best decision of your life.  you have to decide.
 
so anyway, i still want to go out.  i want to go out to this persons house. at the moment i don’t feel uncomfortable or anxious.  i think that is because he reminds  me of a girl more oftehn tan not.  i tol him that.  he wasn’t upset.  he just seemed amused by the simpleton in his house. but anyway, this is a phrase used on the chat room, a lot.  i think that he is okay right now.  he is going back to drawing my acquaintance , friend.  i don’t know what you would call him.  he is there when i call him.  and he doesnt seem to mind but i think he does.  should i heed that warning.  i was in a chat room yesterday where this guy was or gal was thinking about a lady or man who he knew. actually it was a woman.  he was about to leave her hight and dry because he didn’t want to keep hitting his head against a wall for someone he considered to use him and not care for him at all. and he didn’t think she cared. it sounded like my friend.  but i thought that was sad though. i hope he gets what he wants though.
 
I am hoping for a good year starting from my birthday.  I hope Obama wins for President.  I didn’t know they had assassination attempts on him though. I had heard about attempts on someone else but not on him.  And they weren’t famous as far as I know. But they could have been. that was funny. this guy thought i was a reporter.  can’t figure out why.  not been published yet on a newspaper for an interview.  i had articles.  i am hoping to have more. so i have to work on grant proposals and i have to look at my writng again so i can publilsh it.  its funny the lady thought i was going to give it to her a year after. i am diong it next year.  so hopefully it will be ok.  i think it is a good idea not to contact them.  i was thinking about it but i think it better to wait and see if i can do it. then notify them.
 
i saw a really cute person yesterday.  they were male and female so i am saying person.  they appeared to ahve a good head on their shoulders.
 
i am watching this new reality television show on mtv called sex iwth mom and dad.  it is a free for all tell all for the kids and the parents to talk about sex. so far it has been interesting. some parents don’t handle the tmi very well.  i am not going to say that i do either but i do.  just not all the time and not in a long while.
this show was a young black woman with a preacher for a father and a step mother.  she had moved out of her mothers house with her step dad. so they were having problems with rules and curfews.  they seemed to have agood outcome.  she was pretty young lady. i haven’t seen any men yet.  i would like to see some young men on the show.
 
i want to go outside.  I think i will go to the rec center or the church. i think it is choir or something.  i want to stop by the courthouse too.  i don’t know if they are having a council meeting.  i thought those were in the librayr or the schools.
 
so i have hope with the temporary job  i waited and she called. so maybe this will give me more jobs.  this way i make money and can afford what i need to do.  once i have the car even temporary i can change the stuff i need to change.  which i am not sure that it will work well.  but maybe.
 
i haven’t met anybody.  i have the shakes still.  my head is shaking very fast and very small movements. it is driving me up a wall.  i don’t consider myself to have a problem with my nerves except that i have a lot of caffeine and that.  but i dont’ even have that.  i don’t know what is causing it but i need to find out.
 
also this guy i think wants to arrest someone in the town or surrounding towns.  on the news they have information about a crime of i think it was kidnapping or burglary.  and they are looking for information  i think it is in the area.
 
okay now here is a subject that should probably best be kept behind closed doors:  the subject of sex and finding a partner and how to deal with being horny.  i talk abot sex off and on.  I actually talk about it in connection with other things.  I hope no one who reads this gets offended. but if you can read about a threesome graphic though it may be this is nothing.  it is piece meal.   so this subject here is i am no longer interested in being celibate but i don’t want just anybody either.  i got standards.  i stick to them as much as i can. but it isn’t just about sex. it is about companionship as well.  someone to be friends with.   so hopefully i will have a good end of the year.  i meet someone nice and go hang out.  i want to go away.  
 
I think that people have slaves somewhere in the world.  they may even be in your own town. I want to leave and go out of nj.  I think that some people consider other people their slaves.  and they treat them like that too.  it isn’t very nice.  okay i leave subject alone for now.
 
i think life repeats itself.  it is a cycle until something breaks it and it goes on in a straight line until it snarls again and goes back to infinity.  makes absolutely no sense.
 
i want to pick up some things. so i figure i can go now.  earlier woulod have been ten times better but not too early.  better on the switch.  less traffic in some areas.
 
okay i have to go. but i’ll be back.
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