Bitch Session

Hi.  I am currently looking for a job.  But my problem is actually more than a little problem:  I have to get past my resume with its gaps in employment, the fact that I got fired from the last couple of positions I had and the fact that I am trying to get into a totally new field.  excuse the typos.  Anyway, I got upset recently.  I feel left out of the family.  Recently I have felt left out of people’s lives.  For instance, my brother and sister seem to be getting on with their lives as much as they can but for me it seems to be in and out.  Today for excample, I go look for this place, and I almost said screw this and turned around.  instead i decided even though I already said screw this and almost turned around, almost turned around, I said  no let me go and find it, hand in my resume and talk to them.  so i get to the street and couldn’t find it.  i went down to far but when i went back to where it was supposedd to be it wasn’t there.
i think my brother is upset.  sometimes i think i shouldn’t say that because he wants to be not there or incognito. or something. he is getting his life together i hope.  mine is still shot in most ways due to my own stupidity but hopefully that will change.  by my own sutpidity i mean that i lose jobs when i should leave and the last job i almost did that but i got fired instead.  the problem with this job is that like the last job i was at i had a problem with being told what was happening.  i asked too.  the last time, nothing came out of it.  this time, i asked and he said no i wasn’t fired.  then later he fired me.  i was so happy and pissed at the same time.  i was happy because i was unhappy there and sick like you wouldn’t believe.  the unhappy was because i am over 30 years of age and i need to maintain a job so i have security for when i retire.  i can’t get that if i go from job to job.  also i had serious problems in that i had to handle.  not so much with the work but with me understanding where i was coming from. i don’t even talk to m sister much because she is busy and she says i do mostly small talk.  i never reall though of my conversation as small talk but when i listen to other people’s i see what she means.  i had an oprah winfrey aha! moment- i found out how much time i waste actual and/or imaginary.  it goes to i made a to do calendar list for myself. mostly i am interested in foster parenting or helping out in various ways in the community which i havenot been interested in for a long time.  if i have participated it hasn’t been wholeheartedly in terms of me being involved.  but if want to be where i was at in terms of helping out or not, i need to become part of a community. i have been asking around but i am not part of th community where i live currently.  i will not divulge that information although some of you would recognize some might not. 
okay enough woe now to the bitch session.  I don’t have mch to bitch about today except that i am tired and i am upset at not getting a job.  i am upset because i think that two people i know are going through a rough time and won’t talk about it.  i don’t want to mention names because they will know who i am talking about.  plus i am not good at not not dropping names.  one i think is either very serious about something not necessary being in love but serious about what they want and the other is trying not to be involved in bad things.
me i am not trying to be involved in bad things but i always find them.  bad habits, we all have them.  some more than others  case in point,, some people try and school you on things that they shouldn’t and they know who they are.  but they also try and and say that tare not doing that.  i think that is wrond.  i don’t school people because i will get myself in trouble.  i will give them information givento me by other poeple bu i won’t school them.  some people don’t do that. 
i wonder if any of you will read this.  probably not unless you are searching for something to do.  but if you do, hit me back and bitch. 
oh, if you are interested there is an interesti magazine i found.  i just started reading it myself.  i don’t know if its good or not so this isnot in support of this magazine in any way.  but if youwant something to read, go to
okay.  see u later. hopefully its is not literal folks.  bye!

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